A New Year

I have just finished reviewing 2008 and agree that 'not much' when written down is actually 'enough'. Cutting back or cutting out some activities gave me space to try new things and to meet new people. A great way to broaden life. University went well and I loved the mental challenges, looking at life and situations from another perspective. Possibilities pop up as you meet new people all having a different focus on the same topic. Then come the surprises like being asked back to teach in 2009 because of the value you added to children's learning and the number of people disappointed at not being able to get into your previous courses. Reassuring that all the physical effort is worth it. The difficulty experienced in separating from past passions is rewarded as it has allowed new ones to emerge. They say one door closes and another opens...so true and you don't know what until you have taken the step. What has happened on the health front? That saga still continues, it seems, like America, we have an illness policy rather than a health one and we all need to know more about illness and treatments than the GP in order to get help. You are rewarded for taking care of your health by not being eligible for services or help to obtain valuable supplements.

Now looking at the next stage of this reflection, which is, to decide what things haven't worked. This has definitely got to be the body, however the body has continued to give service even if it has seized up a lot towards the end of this year. (more on the fix program later) What things have past their 'use by' dates, I think the place we are living in could do with a change. So could my temper and frustration at not getting the help and support I need. The trick here is learning who to ask and what level of support you need. Tricky when you don't know either nor are you aware of what is available. Negative thoughts must definitely leave. But there is not much I will walk (ha ha) away from in 2009 more what I will walk to.

Something interesting or rather reflective that has happened over the last few days is, a friend of Alix's has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. At only early 20's, they have been given less than a year to live. Makes you somewhat reflective when we discuss how you would spend it. Make your own memories or memories for others. We thought memories for others rather than self, although catching up with those people you haven't seen for a long while and possibly many miles away, could rate here. Very hard to deal with when your life is just beginning and there are so many possibilities, maybe that's what to do at this time of year, look at things like it is your last. What would you change? What would you keep? What would you get rid of?

I am off to finish my journal and think a bit more about changes and additions for the year year ahead. Hope you all had a great and restful holiday time. I would love to hear your comments or feedback. Take care till next time.

Back again....

What an interesting few weeks..... Elections, exams and life in general. Some things will change, some will not and the one thing that is guaranteed is that life will go on....
Back again to those questions because now we are all going to have many. The big questions for us all are; will there really be any change, what will change, how will it happen and how will it affect us. So let's not get too caught up in the big picture of it all and just focus on us. To me this means concentrating on our contribution to our little patch rather than trying to influence and address the big picture.
Following on from the changes politically perhaps it is time for us all to have a look at ourselves and start to make changes? Where do we start? What questions do we need to ask ourselves to begin that journey?
The very first thing I am going to get myself to do is to list 'I am...' This is the best way to remember ourselves and to get down on paper who we are. Don't for get the words like...strong, influential, caring, happy, ...along with... an accountant, a researcher, all these thing will remind us what we are and who we are.... try to get as many as possible. My aim is 100+
What's next?

Question 1. What do I want? The usual answer is not required here. No room for 'That new car', 'More money' etc. I want you to really think about what you want and how what you want will look like, what it will feel like, really think about this one. Let yourself think about it for a couple of days and then write it all down. This could be the family, what you really want it to be like or your relationship. Just focus on one area to begin with and really think about it. What would it feel like, look like?

Question 2. What am I like when I am at my best? Really think about this one and write it all down. It can be very telling and will more often than not take you out of where you are into another place of possibility, especially if you are having a few struggles at the moment.

Thanks for allowing me to drip...I am off to work on these questions. I will be back soon with my answers and I hope you have taken the chance to work on yours. I look forward to your comments.
Till next time......

Here I go again.....

As you know language is a passion of mine and the way that we use language to express ourselves. The word that I still find fascinating is our use of the word "We" and when we really mean I. Step back and think for a moment, when you say "We" are you including others (really?) especially when there are no others to be included. Are we taking it for granted that others will be happy to go along with us and agree with our opinion?. This interesting word and its usage can have some interesting effects on people. Some may disagree with being included in your "We" and want to express themselves differently. Then there are those that you use it on and they may feel disappointed that you have included others when they wanted your personal comment or opinion. I often think of the poor wife or husband who is included in the sweeping "We" statements who may in fact have a very different opinion and being included takes away their rights to express themselves. We could also look at why someone may do that and of course there are lots of reasons, good and bad, the one that springs to mind is that they are not comfortable with themselves or expressing their own opinion so include others to cover up. Whatever the reason next time someone uses "We" just ask them ..."you and who else" you may get an interesting answer.


Sniffy the rat and I have become close friends lately. His behaviour has been modified and changes whenever I have an hour to spare and feel like playing. He has made me think a lot about learning behaviour and how this may affect language. We reinforce behaviour to get results with children and with adults, so do we reinforce language the same way? People around us mirror our language in just the same way that we adopt the body language of those we live with. So it stands to reason that if we continually use negative language then those around us will do the same. Both at work and in the family. Do you ever find that one person is grumpy and before you know it everyone else is too. The same must happen with language. We start with the odd negative word and before you know it the whole family has a negative attitude. The great thing is that once you are aware and make a small change everything changes. A little positive reinforcement or silent commendations as well as concious effort and things change like magic.


Well moving on to greater things and the art work is complete. Ardent followers look out for a photo(posted) and the MS art exibition dates and the "psychology of words". Photo and exhibition dates to follow. MS week 1st -7th Sept. Exhibition 17th -28th Aotea Centre Auckland NZ

A quick one

Laying in bed and thinking last night (or was it that drug induced fit?) it occurred to me that something had happened. I had been a part of an organisation for about 5 years eventually being responsible for all it's administration and feeling this had taken over from my enjoyment in the purpose of the organisation, I decided to not seek re-election to the executive. I had hoped that this would make me feel more in touch and involved with the true purpose and spirit of the organisation again. What I found interesting is that there seems to be nothing there, am I forgotten, no longer a valued part of the team? No communication, no assurances am I no longer a member of the organisation. My dues have still been paid, I have committed 5 years of my life time and energy to something that probably didn't need or want me....sad but that's how it has made me feel. All I have done is not want to be filled with administration. How many other organisations are there that act the same? Members give service and loyalty with no thanks and then when they are no longer able to hold things up they are discarded? Abandoned. This organisation is all about self development, they did assign mentors, but mentors only seem to work when it is advantageous for both the mentor and the mentee. It is not just me that I am concerned for in this organisation. They are encouraging others to join with the purpose of helping to keep it going, a great idea and the only way to move forward, but someone needs to be responsible for the communication and motivation of those members, seeing to their needs and making sure that they get the information on activities relating to the greater network. Keeping it small and insular hurts and defeats the organisation objectives. It is probably time to revisit the original objectives and goals give it a bit of a shake up and re chart the direction. Help is out there but you need to Look Ask and Communicate. Others have advice to give as well as a small amount of time and energy be the strength that you are stand up and show it.

It's OK to be me!

Brendan posed a interesting statement last week about working on "It's OK to be me" this makes me think that if it is OK to be me then it is OK for others to be them too. We need to sit back and accept that others are responsible for their own actions, thoughts and reactions. Often we feel that people are getting at us or are working against us but really it is themselves that they are working around.
Not calling someone back or returning that email doesn't mean they don't want to communicate but just show that their priorities are elsewhere. The sad thing comes when they make all those excuses for why they didn't return your call rather than just being honest and saying other priorities got in the way. Accepting that others have the choice on how they behave helps in lots of situations and really does reduce the stress of communications. The most recent example of this was the girls and their boyfriend dilemmas. They realised that by texting a question they would get one of 3 answers and this was all that was needed to determine the future of the relationship. They could get no reply, a positive answer or a negative answer. But no matter what, it was not about them, it was purely about the other person.
We often have great expectations of others and often this sets them up for failure even before they begin. They may not be able to meet our exacting expectations or these expectations are not clearly conveyed so they have no idea what is expected and will fall short. We often think we know someone so well that they will achieve for us and then become shocked to discover that they can not deliver. This is a product of our expectations and communications not the other person who as we remember has the Right to reply in their own way. This is part of taking others for granted isn't it? Our expectations of others are taking it for granted that they will deliver for us? This often happens in our relationships with wife's husbands etc we get so used to expecting them to deliver for us that we often forget that they to have rights and and are allowed be in control of their own response and decisions and that it is not always about you sometimes it is about them.
So it is "OK to be me" but we should also realise that it applys to everyone. Don't take others for granted, if you have a question, ask it and the other person will reply to the best of their ability.

Can you answer my questions????

Life is a bitch and then you die. Well that is what they say and at the moment I couldn't agree more. Life at the moment seems to be one struggle after another. Exams over and the relief from that and then sicko MS jumps up and bites. Seems like now we have time to see what you are made of.... Friends seem to melt away as you drift into isolation...


MS is making me really tired and this week my legs have decided on a communal go slow..in the past they have been known to work independently but this week they have decided that they will defy me together. Not too much of a problem during the day..unless you want to go somewhere but at night when a bathroom visit is necessary it really become an issue. Dr visit doesn't seem to really conclude anything, just to say how sorry he is and what a terrible thing MS is....I keep hoping for some miracle but his confirmation today really just means more of the same. Don't know if it is an advance but have been prescribed steroids for 27 days not sure if this will help, but will to do anything to get the legs back at this stage.


My BIG QUESTION IS.... I have all of these writings..all these short stories but where do I go to get help to publish them or even start with my book...people say you should be a writer but...where does one start? I don't want them wasted or even trapped in my computer forever, they need to be out there breathing and making people think....so anyone reading this comments please...suggestions for getting these lonely words out into the world...

Take care all I am off to rest and let the drugs take effect...

a statement to ponder

Hi to all my loyal followers, well Nina anyway.
Last week I had coffee with a good friend who always makes me look at the bigger picture. She is very spiritual and gave me a few questions to follow on from last blog.
She made a simple statement that really got me thinking 'I chose my parents well' so I got thinking why did I choose my parents and why did my children choose me as a mother. An interesting and positive way to think about our life choices. Powerful stuff - makes you think!

So.... why did I choose my parents? This has taken some soul searching and is not complete yet. At this moment I can see that they have given me opportunities to make my own decision and mistakes and fix them myself. Perhaps in a past life I had others do everything for me and I resented that. I know there are times now that I wish someone would do it for me, especially the things I find hard. Telling someone how I really feel for example... I would rather someone else did it especially if it is not nice. And then there are those hard jobs, the ones that need tough decisions or a bit of tough love, it would be great to have someone else deal with them. I have created boundries for myself to keep safe and this has made my world quite small. I realise that I have to do it myself and it is ok to stand up for me. These thoughts are still growing....
So why did my girls choose me?.....I would like to think because I encourage them to speak up and not to feel afraid of the world. To treat others with respect and they will be treated with respect back and not be afraid to give it a go. To know that they are loved. To know what that love is and to feel supported no matter what. Heard and understood. Be open to all ideas and suggestions and accept everyone as truly unique.
I know as a person I sometimes slip in these for myself and have managed to become a bit too cynical lately. Something to work on.
Well study calls and sleep.more drips....later

The time has come......

Well it certainly has, I have managed my first semester at University. Psychology has opened up probably too much thinking and questions and set a path for personal change. The interesting thing about it all is that other adult students have said it did the same thing for them. First I went in one area and then another and now I think health psychology is the area for me. I love working with the kids but health is more related to me and of course I can still escape reality and write my stories. The mud and troll story one is developing nicely and the one about stumpy is almost complete. Just need to get the art work done and the right side of the brain may begin to get sorted. People are still thinking I am more strange than it first appears, as I have my camera out again at every opportunity photographing chairs! Photos later!
Social psych seems to give me plenty to wonder about with areas of; how we think we behave and how we think others behave and even why we think people behave in different ways. Including our perception of love. When you break the love emotions down to the logic, it makes you wonder if it really exists outside our heads, and even why don't we fall 'in love' more often? If it is just things like proximity,similarity,physical attractiveness and reciprocity that start the process.
Asking questions seems to be an answer to the questions of life.....and when you ask the right questions you get the answers that you want. Questions like 'How are you' are usually met with 'Fine' when the real question is "How are you managing financially' which receives an altogether different answer. Men in my life seem to have difficulty asking the correct questions and are always upset when they don't receive the answer that they want.
One question that I have been asking myself lately is "What do you want" and then the next question 'How will you know when you have it'. Seems to work well for providing direction and focus. Both of which have been lacking for a while. Hopefully back on track now. Interesting too that you hold on to things for ages, well past their time, struggle to let go and then look back and wish you had let go along time ago and then once free you can look back with affection and pride at what you created.
I have loved running the children's courses (both groups finish this month) and still have another course in term 3. I hope to make that one different as some of those children have attended the first 2 sessions. More games and less formal structure. My energy level determines what happens and that is sad as it means the feeling on the course is dependent on me rather than the children. I would like to do high energy stuff but lack the energy myself so it all falls rather flat. I need to find a way around it....back to strategies. Well better finish here or it may never get posted......

and so it goes on....

So how have things gone this term?
Interesting that the two classes are now so different. I emailed an author of a program called talkabout and will be using some of her resources for the Wednesday courses. Interesting as I can develop this course for confidence and self esteem rather than for public speaking. You get kids ok with speaking and the public bit just follows. Der.....
On to other drippings....
I learned today in a huge mind shift that being female really makes a different to how I view the world. I didn't think so before and thought I was fairly objective but it appears I am not...scary what other unsuspecting biases do I have. I have also been made aware that GP's are only trained in their field so always aim for the expert. Sometimes a GP may be no better than asking Mother!!!
Why is it that when someone doesn't want to say NO they just pretend that the question never existed? So many emails and phone messages go unanswered and then when they do return your call they skirt around the subject. Do people like pissing me off or are they just uneasy being assertive. I would prefer a "no can't make it or do it" to nothing and wondering did they get the message, should I call again or can I move on. Is this universal behaviour? is it male only? female? or just New Zealand?
And why do people make assumption about others? Why do they assume that an unmarried female has heaps of time on her hands and they are the ones that have time to carry jobs that the married males can't fit in? Sexist and Hypocritical not to mention downright wrong. Feels good to move away from the organisation which is getting too political and has been dumping guilt on my shoulders...this is your baby, your passion etc.. Time to move on I think..no I am sure.
University feels like home for my head. I can have long 'empty the head' sessions and it all seems normal. The whys get answered and those that can't are discussed further.....so fulfilling...safe ....makes me feel like 'I am OK'. No more struggling to be a part and stressing in case I am not. IT IS COOL.
Well more reading to do and a Tuesday course to prepare for.....talk soon :-)

and today.....

Almost finished the assignment and more precisly the essay on what is mentally healthy...well I can tell you it has done in my mental health!

I have all these things backing up in my head that have to wait until the assignment is complete. That includes toastmasters stuff. The 301 course that started on Thursday was great. It was awsome to see all those people again and to have some fun with them while they acheive their goals to complete their CC manuals. The next thing to get my head around is the childrens courses both Tuesday and Wednesday. I have decided to keep tueday at speech preparation and a few games and use Wednesday to develop the games side. The mixture of ages makes it a bit tricky to deal with anything too structures.

End of Term

Term1 for the kids courses is now over and I am using the break (2 weeks) to reflect and gather myself for the next term.
Review of what went well: Great groups of students, we have had great fun with juggling balls, clappers, the name game, the voice throwing ball game, timing lights and getting the children to time the speeches and topics.
The important thing is to keep everyone occupied and interested through out the hour. The final day at CPDS worked really well and even included time for cake and lollies.
So what didn't work? The last day at ACLC we didn't have enough time to get through everything. I need to find a better way to work with the time and emphasis the importance of time requirements with this group. These groups are very different (CPDS) just contains year 5 & 6 students but the other 2 groups (ACLC) contains students from year 3 through to 7, so the age range is different. The older students seem much more organised and able while the younger ones seem to need more time and energy to keep their attention. I have a parent helper for next term which could help this group.
All in all a great project and well worth continuing if not for the money then clearly for the children.

More dripping

Having a difficult week this week. I need to keep focused on the future and not slide back to the past. At times this is much easier said than done. The humidity makes all my energy disappear and with that my resolve and forward thinking ability. I seem to have spent most of the long weekend doing dishes and washing and too tired to do much else. I need food...water...sleep....and......

On to other things...the children's speaking and communication courses are going really well. Tuesdays group are all from the same school, so bonded well and there has been many surprises amongst the group with those most nervous wanting to speak. The 2 Wednesday groups have been a little slower to gel. This, I feel, is mainly due to the age range 7 - 12 and the fact that some turn up each week and some don't. The ages could be better sorted and I hope that this will happen for the second term. They all really enjoy the interactive exercises that control breathing and vocal volume. They also prefer someone else thinking up topics to talk about and being challenged. Which is really great and show wonderful learning and intelligence although tiring for me. We start on forming the first assignment this week so that will be fun too. Brought the lights as a timing device into play last week and that proved challenging.

All that is left to say is.....bring on the energy and it will all be go!!! :-)

Observations

So how do we behave in an unfamiliar environment or one that appears to have no set rules? How do we follow the culture, know the boundries and work out what is acceptable and what is not?
These were the questions that I was asking myself this week. So I started to oserve situations and see what happens.
What do we do?
We observe, we look at how others behave towards each other. We see who is talking to whom, whose words are listened to and who makes the final decisions.
The first day on a new job quickly becomes about the personalities in the office rather than the skill of the job. We search out where the "gossip" station is and from whom we need to get essential information about the working of the office from.
The culture of an organisation does seem to start from the top. If the CEO arrives at the office each day dressed in a tatty T shirt and dirty jeans and expects the staff to be smart and well dressed it will not be long before he loses credibility and any authority his salary and title expect.
My recent experience is the small business set up by a charismatic person, by setting up this small business gave him great credibility within the wider industry. Eventually he bowed to pressure and took a step back from running the business, making the great sweep of handing management over to another. However, he really was still in charge as every decision with the small business was cleared with him. New managers were scared to make decisions without first running it past him for his approval. At the same time as there were no rules or boundries within the business employees started to look to him for clues on the culture of the organisation. How to speak to others. Who to speak to within the business,whos words to listen to and who to ignore. How to treat customers and how to behave.
Needless to say that as the person in charge cared less and less about the business and the people in it so did the employees. The way he dressed and behaved became the norm, and then suddenly he turns around and wonders why the business is failing. To suddenly start making demands on staff to pull themselves up will not work unless it comes from the top down.
If you are the head of any organisation people will look up to you and seek your approval or mimic your behaviour. You need to be aware of this and then act appropriately.
So it is human nature to learn by observing others. We have all done it, that is one of the ways we learned as children. We didn't need to experience everything to learn how to behave socially, generally we just observe how other do it. So... is it any wonder things get really screwed up sometimes?
Well that's my thought for today.....catch you next time.

Today

Well lets just say this week has had it's challenges.
Monday I was excited about attending Uni again but more so about the challenges that mobility would create. It was fun and although I enjoyed driving around I did feel more than a little car sick by the end of the day. Love the chance to get a decent coffee at campus but it sure costs.

Tuesday I decided to try the toilets. Something that truly mobile people take for granted. I now have a list of things to give to the Tamaki campus disability services, and I am sure that the list will increase.
I found it hard to not want to help the students and explain things to them. To give them real life examples or to hand out papers, pens etc. I need to remember that we are responsible for our own learning.
I am going to post a notice for proof reading assignment etc so that I can earn a little money (maybe).
Tuesdays childrens course went really well, if a little noisy. The addition of whistles for that big first breath went down well. Next week is getting them shouting!!!
A new course starts today so we will see how that progresses. Till then :-)

Why do we want our kids talking

We live in a communication age where our ability to communicate is of paramount importance. Our young people need help to excel in this field to build strong self esteem, respect for others and develop strong leadership for a safer happier future.
To enable them to express themselves through their thoughts and feelings.
For them to be able to identify their goals for life and to clearly express those goals.
To be able to understand and appreciate others and to be able to respond appropriately to their communication.
To be able to confidently participate in discussion with both peers and adults

So how are we doing this?
Cornwall Park District School course started on February 19th 2008. We have 12 student and they all enjoy the chance to speak on a variety of topics. They have perticipated in difference exercises that encourage speaking, listening and the ability to think before they speak. Today we are starting week 3.
This week I also start a course at ACLC in Mt Eden. This course will follow the Cornwall Park course, but as they are a different group of student the course will be adapted to their needs.
I will let you all know how the week goes... I have also returned to University to study Psychology. This is challenging as I also have Multiple Sclerosis. The challenge is getting around the campus, to make friends and to enjoy the process. It will be an interesting year with courses and university.